To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - this is how I desire to waste wisely my days. -Thomas Dekker
I just stumbled across that nice quote this morning and it seemed appropriate for me today. I am home with my four amazing little people this morning, feeling blessed. They are out of school for the presidents day holiday. It has been raining continuously for two days now, it's actually very nice, and even peaceful, though my kids occasionally get so loud and crazy that I am shaken to my core. I found another quote the other day that addresses just that:
peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. -unknown
I absolutely love that! A wonderful idea, that in truth, is incredibly rare even for a somewhat patient person such as myself [go ahead, you may laugh]. I get complimented for my patience sometimes when people see me with my kids, but my kids will certainly tell you different! Especially on those days when I have to enter the school parking lot to drop them off. Things come out of my mouth so fast sometimes that I surprise myself and freak out a little when I realize what I said with my kids [and my carpool kids] in the car! When that happens, I look in my rear view mirror to find them wide eyed staring at each other with tight grins, trying not to explode with laughter. So I am striving for calm in my heart now, even when I raise my voice, which is more often than I would like to admit, I can still understand what it is to be calm in my heart. In contrast to being frenzied in my heart which does happen a good deal of the time.
OK, speaking of new paths now. I have been thinking the last few years about what I might do with myself when all of my kids are in school. I guess I always thought that when that day came I would like to work again, I just didn't know what that would look like. It for sure wouldn't look like it did when I worked a full-time job before I decided to stay home with my kids. There are two main reasons for that. For one I wouldn't do it unless I could keep my regular schedule with my kids. Translated, it has to be part-time during the school day. Two, I just don't want to go back to the very structured, often stressful pace of the 8 in the morning to 6+ in the evening jobs I have had in the past. That isn't to say they weren't great jobs that I was very grateful to have. They were that and more. I was lucky [or something] to be able to work in the profession I had chosen, to have the opportunity to work with some wonderful people, and to find a small degree of personal success. It's just that I don't want that anymore, it could never make me happy in the way I need now. Certainly that means less money and benefits and probably career potential, but because I am not the primary breadwinner here in this little family of ours, I can get away with it.
We have survived on one salary for almost ten years, though the whole concept of stay home motherhood was so foreign to me at first and I didn't know many people who had made the jump. Besides that, I'd always imagined myself a working mother, until my heart told me otherwise. I remember the first time I had the conversation with someone other than Tony. Emily was six months old and I told my boss at the time, who was also my friend. She was appalled at first but then offered solutions to help me find a way to make it happen. I remember one day at lunch when I was a little emotional about it, she told me that if worse came to worse I could use the money I had accumulated [which wasn't much] in my 401k. It took me two and a half years after that conversation to make it [all but the 401k part] a reality. At first it didn't even seem possible financially and even worse, I had the bigger paycheck. We had to tighten up in every area and stick to a strict budget that had no room for extras. Just imagine voluntarily giving up more than half of your family income, it wasn't easy. That all seems so far away now, and it was.
Just to remind you, I am an accountant. After I graduated college I studied like a maniac for months to prepare for the CPA exam. That was the path that I was on, that was my goal. Well hey, I passed that exam, which was amazing! It wasn't a very easy time to find a job back then and I was applying all over the place, even as far away as Sacramento and the bay area. Finally I got a job with a small firm, but after only a few weeks I got a call to interview with a company which I had previously applied. That company made me an offer I couldn't refuse and suddenly I had two jobs. I quit the CPA firm and went to work in private accounting. The only problem with that is although having passed the CPA exam was impressive in itself, I could go no further down that path because the next step for licensure was not where I was but in public accounting. So gradually that path diminished and as I steadily made my way from staff accountant to corporate accounting manager and after five years I was happy and comfortable where I was. Then when my company relocated its corporate headquarters to Walnut Creek, I had to make a choice, go to Walnut Creek or say goodbye to my company. I started applying and quickly got hired at another private company as their corporate controller. A few years later I was getting ready to have my second child and saying a well-timed "see you later" to my career. And I had no way of knowing how much later that would be.
So remember back in December when I mentioned that I had an interview? Well they weren't ready at the time but I received a call last week to ask if I were still interested. I said yes!
If I had to design a job and put a name on it that said "perfect job for me," it would have all the same features and characteristics of the one that has just been laid before me.
I started on Wednesday! I dropped the kids at school and went to my new office and because I had forced myself not to be anxious about it, I wasn't. I just stepped in the door and all was well. I toured the office, met my co-workers, and started my new job. It felt right, and I immediately felt comfortable there. I didn't like the extra timid way that I behaved but I had to do that. I don't want to freak out my new co-workers when they don't know me or what's really going on inside me. And what was going on inside me was something like this:
Oh my! Wow! So nice to meet you! This place is awesome, you are so awesome! I am sooooo glad to be here! Thank you for giving me this opportunity, thank you for giving me the perfect job for me! Wow! This place is beautiful! You people are so nice! I like you a lot! Wow! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
So there you go, my new path coinciding nicely with my current path. I'm gonna keep that Thomas Dekker quote close to me, I couldn't ask for more. Wish me luck!
