At precisely 4:01 something big happened. The most awesome FedEx lady brought me my long awaited COMPUTER! Seriously!
And, as you can see, I'm still a PC. And our angel is a bit wonky.
Specifically, a Dell. Why mess with a good thing, I'm figuring, since my 2001 Dell desktop was really very good to me, all things considered. It only "crashed" one time about four years ago and I'm pretty sure I recovered everything somehow. The only maintenance I had to perform was to install a second DVD drive, because it originally only read them and I was ready to write! One of the first things I did with it in 2002 was transfer my mom's old VHS family tapes onto my hard drive and soon after that I made movies with clips of them, something I'm quite proud of to this day. When I did that, I actually had a VHS player connected to my computer and recorded my finished products onto VHS! The only other thing I did was add a second hard disk. I installed the drive and the new hard disk myself, it was easy.
I feared an eventual meltdown, I wanted speed, I wanted my Excel program to be reliable again, I wanted mobility. I dreamed of summer days lounging by the pool watching the kids swim while click clacking away on my laptop. Obviously that didn't happen! It only took me 10 months to make my dream a reality. We had some interesting financial issues for a while there and I guess I just wasn't ready. Whoops, swimming season and lounging outside is WAY behind us, I'm thrilled now though and God willing, I'll have another summer to make that fantasy real.
Incredibly we didn't have anywhere to be this night! We made a quick bean, tomato and okra soup and some Trader Joe's cornbread. It was a nice
Friday the 10th was completely ordinary. With school, a trip to Costco for me, and lots of alone time to play with my new computer! Emily went off to her first jr. high dance while the rest of us had movie night.
As far as santa is concerned, our family is at varying stages of belief in the jolly one. Emily is 12. She went through a phase over the last several years of being defiant about it, to the point of sharing her ideas about the big guy with younger children in almost a malicious way. Now though, she tells us she believes, winks a little and tries to convince any little kid who listens that he is in fact real. Sarah at 9 years says she believes, but gives me the look that says, "yes mom, I'm playing along." Wyatt at 7 is about 70/30 at this point. He is obviously perplexed about it, but he is just about to turn the corner of disbelief. Surely he hears from his peers that he does not really exist but I think he doesn't want to let go of the possibility. Case in point: I made a note that on this day that he said, "you guys are gonna buy our presents and santa's gonna put em in..." and there he stopped and looked to Tony and me for guidance. He's totally confused at this point. Or maybe he is trying to hold on to it? Or maybe he is trying to hold on to it for our sake?
Eva? Oh little precious Eva! She is joyfully innocent and completely naive about it all. You could tell her straight faced that Santa does not exist and she would laugh at you as if you were the dumbest person that ever walked the earth! She is 5 and oh man she believes!
And here I come to a point where I am thoroughly conflicted as a parent. I almost wish I had left the santa business for the anecdotal story and not let it happen as most families do. Reflecting now as my journey in parenting is unfolding, I don't see it as a necessary rite of passage as I once did. I strive for simplicity and the holiday season just gets too complicated with old worn out myths that in my eyes, really have no honest message. And truly, if we lead our kids on about such things now, where does that leave them when called to have faith in more meaningful places? It can't be known. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying santa is bad, no more than the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are conspiring against us! I could make myself crazy trying to figure it all out. But I'll just leave it there.
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