Kevin.

I loved him. I hated him.

I miss him.

I'll never forget him.

I've had this post in my head for several months now, I'm compelled to say something to remember my sisters husband and my friend who left us and this world 10 years ago today. He was a husband, a father, a son, a brother, and a friend. Losing him still breaks my heart, I know it always will.

He was my personal nemesis and my biggest ally. I know that doesn't sound natural or logical but that's just how it was. He would make me so mad. Imagine me all worked up over some crazy thing he said with a mad 'ol look on my face and trying my hardest not to crack a smile-that's what he was to me, and I loved him too.

I met him exactly twenty years ago. Two days after that I introduced him to my sister. Honestly, an act I found myself often regretting (insert me, mad face, smiling) but over the years and through it all, mostly glad for. It's strange to think I knew him for as long as we've all been without him. You don't need me to tell you that he was way way way too freakin' young to go. For the longest time I expected him to pop back in and yell "Surprise! Fooled 'ya, ha ha ha!"

People were crazy about him. He was smart, funny, good looking (oh man he would love me for that one) and great fun to hang out with. He was a loyal caring brotherly menacing torturer, a contradiction in human form. By that I mean this; he was polished but coarse, respectable and vulgar, humble then pretentious, forgiving and vengeful, caring and cut throat, focused but blind, so strong... yet finally so weak.

Like I said, illogical.

His laugh. It was a loud, from the gut, three syllable ha ha ha. That laugh hangs in my head like a cloud that never dissipates; I can recall it in an instant. If you knew him, you still have it in your head too. I hope I never loose that, it still makes me smile.

Kevin James Blixt
1963-1997