Wishing for More Slow.

I'm home today with my littlest sweet one. She came home from school yesterday with a tummy ache and was sick all through the night, poor little thing didn't stop trying to vomit until 3 a.m. I got up with her every 20-30 minutes to run for the toilet, long after we should have because there was absolutely nothing left inside her body after the first few times. She woke up this morning with a fever and she hasn't moved that much today. It's past noon and she is sleeping now on her first missed day of school.

Saturday, Eva and Wyatt were "playing" with her old folding stroller, [which was put away but she had asked for it this week to push her doll in] and she fell over while she was buckled into it. At first it seemed like most minor injuries where we apply ice and TLC. But when she complained of not being able to SEE, I began to worry deeply. Quickly it turned into a wildly painful headache and some kind of crying and holding the head in both hands that I have never seen from my sweet Eva. I took her to the ER. She vomited in triage, she cried some more, then she fell asleep in my lap. We waited for hours and thankfully she napped. I did rouse her every few minutes, not because anybody told me to but just instinctively. Hours later, she woke up for the CT scan. We waited some more, the place didn't seem to be very busy, not that many people came and went. Finally, we were directed to wait in another non-private room, divided into three sections by plastic curtains where we could see the patients being treated through the spaces between. We waited for what seemed like EVER and then were hurriedly told the scan was negative. We left after a mostly unpleasant five hour visit. I think we had personal contact with ER people for maybe 20 minutes max. I'm giving thanks to God that was not more than a mild concussion. So lucky for me that I had my sister Renee, who is an RN and a hospital manager [not this hospital] calling me every half hour or so to find out how she was and for my own mental comfort. Poor little Eva, she's been through the wringer these past few days and just on the edge of her birthday week too.

Not very interesting but true: within all the chaos and all the soccer games, we attended two separate 50th birthday parties last weekend. Very interesting and true: Sarah has been in training and will soon be a fully accredited [I just made that part up about the accredited because I don't really know how to refer to it] altar server and will begin her service at masses next month! We are very proud of her for making this special effort and commitment.

Hey! Sarah recovered her stolen property, and verbally forgave the perpetrator! I couldn't have asked for a better resolution than that. Emily did not find her knee pad, so the money I paid for those is sunk. I did take pity on her, after watching her play in two games kneepadless, I surprised her with a new pair at her game this week, and...she owes me $20 bucks. I am really enjoying her games, or matches or whatever you call them. I am not volleyball savvy, but I'm learning.

As usual we have way too many things going on at once, often overlapping in impossible patterns. I'm beginning to embrace and accept my limitations and I have actually begin to let a few things slide from time to time, or day to day. This week I have already let two things pass without much fuss but I don't know what next week will hold, probably more of the same. It's soccer that binds up and cris-crosses with everything else and I must remember that in another month it will be nearly over so I'm gonna do my best in the meantime to stay sane and make it to most commitments and make dinner. I haven't conceded the mutual exclusivity of those three things, yet.

I've continued my swimming routine, I love to see the moon when I'm swimming back and forth, especially when it's full and beautiful like the past few nights. I am also monitoring the temperature of the pool. Summer's high was 88° and it was down to a low of 78° this week. It's getting tougher to get in the water, especially in the cool breezy evening, but after 5-10 laps the water actually [or obviously] feels very warm. Hey hey look at this! The pool is already 79° today and we are expecting 90's and near 100's for the next week so it's going back up! I love fall too people, but I want to keep swimming! It's my perfect way to get in some excercise and relax before calling it a day. I've been sleeping great too, not counting last night. I woke up yesterday morning with a crazy song in my head. It was a remix of 'All Out of Love' by Air Supply [ha!] and Black Eyed Peas' 'Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night.' I kept hearing/singing it for a while in my head, and it actually sounded pretty good to me! I wish I could wake up every morning with a mish mash of songs in my head.

Bookwise, I finished the Great Gatsby, which was thouroughly beautiful + strange + enjoyable, and now I've started reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. This one may take a while.

Hooray for Friday! And just like that we're off to another busy weekend, all while I'm wishing for more slow [and for Eva to get better quick.]

Hey, help me out I'm no good at punctuation. Look up please, does the period go on the inside or the outside of my brackets? I always wonder about that and I think I do it both ways!

Tidbits and Voodoo.

 

Another one from the archives. Wyatt loves his yoga! 2007 was so much fun, its no wonder I was inspired to start blogging that year!

Random things:

When did the English language authorities [or typographers] change the rule about leaving two spaces after a period when you are continuing with a new sentence? Are you aware of this? This is huge. I was working with Renee last weekend, assisting with some homework, [not that she actually needed my help, I think I was more for moral support] and in her workbook the sentences were structured that way and the punctuation was highlighted with only one dot between sentences and we thought that was strange. Then, yesterday I was browsing this website Typography for Lawyers [via How About Orange] and the writer made a special effort to point out this rule about not leaving more than one space! Wha?

I have never, not one time, been early with my Christmas cards. I found some I liked yesterday and come December 1st, I may be ready.

Sarah got a camera for her birthday and so I have not yet sent mine in for repairs. I am stalking cameras already and I am so tempted to just buy one for myself.

I have been swimming every day [except yesterday] for about a month and a half now. I'm not just an ordinary casual swimmer anymore. I'm a real swimmer. Wish I could swim all year, but it will be getting cold soon. The last day we swam in our pool last year was September 30.

I finally, after a whole year of deluding myself into thinking that I could fix my broken shredder, got a new one. Now I'm a shredding maniac because I have about two years worth in my bin.

One of the things I love about getting older, yes you read that correctly, is the clarity and the depth of awareness that is coming with it. At least that is my experience, and it's a very good thing. I am also making great improvements in my life in a very important area: patience. It feels good too, and so liberating. On occasion I still lose it, but overall I am doing a pretty fine job lately of keeping my cool.

We finally painted the girls room this summer. Instead of yellow walls and ceiling we have regular ceiling color and brown and pink walls that look fantastic! We also Craiglisted the furniture we had for that room and got bunk beds and dressers in black. It looks so great in there now. The girls had no problem settling into their new beds and we all love their room. What they need now is workspace and storage, not much more room in there so we need to get creative.

I still have TV. Still working up the courage to cancel it altogether. Nobody watches it. I think the only thing that is holding me back is Grey's Anatomy. I am weak! We do love the Netfilx through the Wii though. That will definitely stay if when we cancel cable.

I am reading! I'm trying to go old school and read more classics. I read Catcher in the Rye and I'm almost done with The Great Gatsby. Talk about extremes! I couldn't have picked two books that are more different in style and substance. Wow! Where else on earth could you ever have a reason to ponder this thought from Fitzgerald:

"Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy physical egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart."

or this one:

"For a moment a phrase tried to take shape in my mouth and my lips parted like a dumb man's, as though there was more struggling upon them than a wisp of startled air. But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever."

I had to write these in my notebook from Salinger/Catcher:

"I know that sounds mean to say, but I don't mean it mean."

and

"It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true. People always think something's all true."

I don't believe in voodoo, however, if any of my kids begin to complain of strange pains, I might have to search for a remedy. This week, Emily lost a new knee pad after a volleyball game, Wyatt lost his new soccer ball, and Sarah's new Pokemon binder was stolen out of her backpack at school. Eva hasn't lost anything yet and I lose things everyday so I am not counting myself here.

I'm going for another cup of coffee, a swim, and hopefully getting some work done before the magic of Friday gets too far away from me. I do believe in certain kinds of magic, oh and miracles too.

Just noticed this! Even this blogger publisher is automatically changing my old fashioned [who knew?] two space between sentences style to single space! I never noticed that sneaky little thing. [I know that sounds mean to say, but I don't mean it mean.]

Secrets and Dreams.

Just settling into the groove of the school year and stumbled on this group of photos from 2007. Made me feel very emotional and reflective.

I woke up early this morning in tears, literally, in my bed, in tears waking up from a dream. Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me a few times a year. It was the beginning of a really good cry, and I woke up wanting to let it all out and cry big. This morning as I was waking up like this, I reached over, gently so I wouldn't wake him up if he was there, to find out if Tony was up and out yet. When I didn't find him there, I was relieved to know that I could go ahead and get my cry on privately. But then at the same moment, I also realized that I had been dreaming and that there wasn't really any point to it. So I collected myself and held it in. The dream? It was my dad and a group of strangers telling me to stay where I was, and that he had to go. That's all I remember, "stay there Mel, I gotta go now." So ridiculous, I know. But even thinking about the ridiculousness of it now I want to scream and wail! Ahhhhh!

What does it mean? I can't say. What do any of our dreams mean? If you know anything at all about me, read into it what you will. That's probably what I am reading into it too. You know, old stuff that someone my age has no reason for carrying around anymore. If you don't know me, you can surely relate to old pain that never goes away. Don't have any idea what the strangers were there for. Whatever, gettin' over it now. Moving on.

All my babies are in school and I miss them so DANG much! What the heck is wrong with me? My friend Kim picked up my kids to take them to school yesterday and she said something about me drinking a mimosa. I don't even know what a mimosa is! Maybe I should go find one?

It was the first day of my bible study this morning. This year it's Ezekiel. Wild stuff. One more hour and I can go get my little Eva.

Moving Right Along.

Usually more in a zigzag fashion than a straight line but such is life...

Already four weeks of school are history, all things move so quickly. My 7th grader Emily is on the volleyball team and they played their first game this week, they lost. They have a good team though and I think they will be winning soon. Volleyball is a really fun sport to watch, it also moves very quickly [continuing my lovely metaphor.] Emily has also chosen to participate in the jazz band, playing the piano. She had to try out for this as well and we were extra pleased that she got into it. It's a big commitment though, as she has to go to school almost an hour before the rest of her school. I'm so proud of her efforts. She's definitely not a little girl anymore. She is almost as tall as me, her 12 year old shoe size has already surpassed mine and she looks so grown up, with the grown up attitude to go with it! She's a good girl though. She isn't the least bit fussy about her clothes or about junior high anythings! I'm loving that! I hope it lasts. She has more confidence at 12 than I ever had, so she must certainly get that from Tony.

Sarah, Wyatt, and Eva all have teachers we have had in the past, so that makes it kind of nice for us. We have always had good experiences whether the teacher was new to us or not but having ones that we know already is sort of a comfort. Eva's kindergarten teacher is the same as the other three have had. I couldn't be more pleased with that. She is a wonderful teacher, so nice, gentle with the little ones, very professional, and also a very very talented teacher. She is also from the same town in Mexico that Tony is from so that makes her extra special!

Sarah is a happy 4th grader. This morning I walked them into school. I don't often do this, usually I drive through the line and they get out and walk themselves in. This morning Sarah and I walked Eva to her class. Wyatt, Eva's regular attendant, ran ahead of us since I was there to give him the day off. It's been the sweetest treat to my eyes to watch the way Wyatt takes Eva's hand as they walk off down the hallway each morning together, I can see this from the line as I leave in my car. It looks exactly like this from our Disneyland trip, only with school uniforms. [I have lots of pictures of this because he was constantly holding her in this sweet big brotherly protective way.]


After we left Eva in the kinder playground happily skipping around with her new friends, I walked Sarah over to her class. She started to slow as we got closer and then came to a stop, not looking at me. I stared at her, she had a smile on her face. I picked up her chin and said, "you don't want me to walk you over do you?" She smiled her biggest smile at me and said "no." So I let her walk the rest of the way alone. I watched her. She put down her backpack at her classroom step and three of her good friends quickly surrounded her and began to walk over to the morning opening. I took a mental picture of her smile as she greeted her friends, how they looked, how they walked together. I stayed at the school for almost the next two hours with PTA moms assembling and delivering fall fundraiser packets to classrooms. Our kids and all the other schoolchildren are going to ask you to buy loads of crap. We are sorry for that, but it just works. That's just how we pay for stuff for the kids, field trips and such, it's a necessary evil.

Wyatt is just one crazy active boy. He starts the day running and he runs all day. He is the first one to get up in the morning and he is dressed, bed made, and eating his cereal before the other girls are awake [except for Emily who has to go in extra early.] He has his first male teacher this year. He has only changed his card one time, or so he told me. I know he runs all day because I pick up Eva an hour before the others get out of school and I have watched him secretly when I am on campus collecting Eva. I sat in my car in the parking lot yesterday because I arrived a little too early to pick up Eva. I saw him on the playground with his best buddies. He made me dizzy. He is rough, tough, and ferociosly independent. At night though, right before bedtime, he becomes my little boy again. He becomes emotional, he shows his sweet side. He tells me his secrets, he lets me race my fingers through his hair, and he becomes my sweet kissable darling every night when I tuck him in.

Eva is the sweetest of the sweet. Today when I picked her up I said to her, "I missed you so much today!" She replied to me, "if you missed me so much, then you can take me home." She saw her school principal at a school fundraiser at Dairy Queen on Wednesday night and when she got home she excitedly told me, "I saw Leah [her best buddy] and the man that congratulates you." I knew exactly who she was referring to, after all, she has seen him at many assemblies shaking hands with the children who receive awards. She has probably heard him say the word "congratulations" a thousand times. What a smart and thoughtful little cookie!

In kindergarten, her teacher does not, ever, speak to her in English [it gradually shifts and by sixth grade it's 50/50.] What a challenge! Yet she, as my others have done, is thriving. She doesn't even complain, ever! Though Tony's first language is Spanish, we pretty much speak English exclusively in my house. I love that my kids are receiving this extraordinary gift of language in addition to all the regular studies that every other schoolchild in California receives, and I see it as a blessing that we have access to such an awesome awesome, I'll say it again, awesome program!

This weekend we begin the love/hate [for me anyway] continuum [because that sounds fine and I don't know what else to make of it] that is called soccer season. Three kids playing and nine weeks of games on Saturday mornings/afternoons. It's going to get crazy. I'm going to loose it a little bit. It already has with at least five currently scheduled weekday practice sessions between them. Add to that piano lessons for two girls now, Boy and Girl scouts + CCD starting up which = me embracing [or trying not to throw up on] my "summer's over get used to it lady" hat that I now wear. It says in all caps, "DRIVER."

Emily is at Girl Scouts tonight, on a scavenger hunt through town. Tony just left for his softball game. Anyway, I don't know why I chose tonight to blab on and on about my kids, I do feel an extra high surge of parental pride and fulfillment these days. I just can't help myself. I feel like I do a lot, but I know I don't do enough and that there are plenty of things I could do better, like dinner for instance, but I'll save that topic for another day. I'm a complete contradiction of a person who is completely and passionately and forever in love with my four little people.

And just like that off to the softball game we also go.

Hey Soul Sisters.

Bless you my darling
and remember you are
always in the heart-
oh tucked so close there is no chance
of escape-
of your sister.

-Katherine Mansfield


I am so glad we took the time to visit my sister Alicia in July. It was only for a few days but it was so nice to get our families together this summer. Alicia and I don't see each other often, but we have the most special connection. We understand each other like only sisters can. Sometimes I only have to say a few words to her and she can finish my paragraph for me and knows exactly to the penny how I feel. She's such a wonderful constant in my life and she's always there for me with her words and her spirit and I only hope I make her feel the same love and comfort that she shows me.

Then there's my sister Renee, with her lovable sass and spunk. I messaged her over the weekend and whined about something that was bothering me and asked her to tell me to get over it already. She stopped her car and called to tell me what I asked to hear and listened to me for a while. She can brighten a room before she walks into it. She's the fun one who makes you wonder what she is hiding behind that bubbly, outgoing exterior. I have always secretly wished to be more like her. I spent a little time with her too this summer, wish it was more. Lots more. I miss my sisters. I've said it before, distance in families is the bane of our modern existence. I dislike it very very much.

I have another sister, Chandra. We live thousands of miles apart and very very rarely see one another. I long to see her. She has been through unimaginable crisis and pain with her health for the last few years and I pray that she finds comfort and relief. I love my sisters, I miss them everyday. Damn distance!